To speak the truth and act truthfully. This is an interesting topic in management, as it is often approached as an expectation of convenience. We believe in the idea of honesty, but do not approach it by acting honestly. Often, we do not address topics because of the sensitivity or difficulty of the subject matter. Like telling our kids about Santa, fiction feels better than fact. When we look to speak the truth and act truthfully, we articulate the action that is honesty. When we build upon the strength of our values honestly, we develop trust from those who experience it.
My oldest daughter learning the truth of Santa Claus came later than most, nearing the end of elementary school. She was a trusting little thing with a big smile and a strong belief in my wisdom. Everything I had told her to that point was what she knew to be truth. Her optimism was palpable in how she carried herself, as if there was a sweet song playing in her head daily. The covers kicked off her feet when she slept and her toes tapped with closed eyes. She lay softly where she rested hard, with a smile on her face and a gentle calming that can only be experienced by those who witnessed it. She woke as she rested, with a faith in good and a belief that the sun would rise and set in the eyes of her dad.
When she was little, she had a passion for water and anything soggy. She would fill buckets with water and splash around like it was a new discovery every time she got the opportunity. She loved turning on the faucet and would pretend she hated getting splashed in the face, as she would repeat the activity for as long as she possibly could. She danced in the rain, splashing through the muck of our backyard any time she had the opportunity. It was best to leave her barefoot because she found water everywhere and the sound of squishy socks excited her more than ice cream.
I could hear the highway traffic positioned a few hundred yards behind our home, the daily flights directly above us and an occasional siren pounding our eardrums from the local hospital. The chaos of the world unfolded around us daily as she danced through the grass. She spun and twirled with the beauty and innocence of childhood. The wind blew softer as she danced barefoot in the soggy grass, coloring her tiny feet forest green in the process. The sun seemed to break the clouds open to get a peek of the backyard ballet any time she was out there and would spotlight her dance daily. She was incapable of seeing what the sounds represented. She focused on the beauty of her surroundings, with butterflies fluttering against the breeze, their wings keeping time to the song that played in her head.
As she grew older, her heart broke with the same intensity that it loved. The weather changed with her emotion and the rain applauded her heartache as it beat against the roof. The sun aching to break through the tears and spotlight the princess that once danced through the chaos of humanity. Her hugs crippled me in those moments as I felt a need to make the tears go away. I ached to make whatever the issue was better so my Bear would come back to me and dance in soggy socks while the butterflies kept time.
She could always rely on a few things: her dad believes in her, he loves her unconditionally, and he speaks the truth. These are things I worked on her entire life; trying to be more than just a provider of sustenance and welfare. I have wanted to be the guy she can look to emulate and be proud to know she is mine.
When she was nearing the end of elementary school, believing in Santa was her reality. The daily bludgeoning of information on TV did not dissuade her from the truth she knew. Her dad said Santa was real and she was ready to fight for that truth. The unfortunate part was that she was at the perfect age for mean-spirited children and teachers looking to educate students, not embolden fiction. My daughter was surrounded by students berating her knowledge of reality. She held her ground until she was informed officially by her teacher that Santa was a fictional character.
I can still feel my heart breaking as I had to confirm to my eldest that I had been lying her entire life. I watched the tears trickle down my daughter’s cheek, welling in the wet cotton collar at the top of her shirt. Her breath labored, each half-overlapping the prior with as much effort as the one that preceded. I hugged her without words, being prompted by my wife an hour earlier that it was coming. As a father, I will tell you that I was not prepared for the moment. I spent the next hour or so trying to make her feel better and hope she understands the reason for the deception. She spent the majority of her life getting all of her “facts” from mom and dad, so this adjustment was difficult. A child making their way through the knowledge-bomb that is the Texas public school system, is an eye-opening experience. I wanted to put the genie back in the bottle and go back to soggy socks and dancing in the rain.
Looking back, I have come to realize that my pain was not created in being caught. My sorrow was born in the idea that I had violated my little girls trust. If I had to do it over, I would not have told her earlier. I believe that the benefits of belief in the world is better when you get to look at it through the prism of optimism in childhood. However, I believe where I made the biggest mistake was allowing this moment to escalate to someone else having the conversation with her. My purpose was to raise my daughter to believe in me, but my actions did not follow this path regardless of the purity of intention. Even though the lie was small with little real-world application, it did impact the trust my daughter had in what I said. I had given her an example of a time that I was dishonest. It was my responsibility from that day forward to act honestly and build our trust as she grew up.
The truth is that honesty is a requirement for building trust in any relationship whether that is in business or personal life. The values that we operate must be born in honesty and the connection between our intent and our behavior. When operating, we must be able to internalize the communication to make sure that what we say is what we do. A great quote that has stuck with me is “We judge ourselves based on our intent; others judge us by our actions”. Ultimately, our biggest success will come from our presentation of who we want to be in our behavior.
I have had the opportunity to lead large staffing calls in major event environments. Leading thousands of people through the years has given me the ability to impact and be impacted by my everyday interactions. I reached the highest level of success in crowd management, being recognized each year for my exceptional service delivery and leadership. I believed in myself and the team that supported my authenticity in action. When I reached the top, it could have been easy to say that my worst effort produced a better outcome then my competitors best. However, humility is honesty to ones-self. My efforts produced because I believed in delivering on what we said we were not on what I thought of myself. Conceit and arrogance are a flawed thought process of the misinterpretation of self-reflection.
You do not control everything, but you do control the messaging, which is the expression of intent. There will always be times where our intentions are not deliverable. If you are in management, you understand the scenario. You wanted better parking, but it not available as it is being utilized for another show or has been previously reserved. It is here that we must create processes that are sustainable in communication and delivery. Like with my daughter, I believe the messaging could have been delivered with more heart had we sat her down for the conversation. Instead, she stood her ground with the knowledge that she was given, defending our deception to the mob of children armed with the truth. Our messaging of the plan and how we are going to deliver it, good or bad, is honesty in action.
There will be times where the truth will be less than comfortable and, unfortunately, may not be well received. However, the commitment to our values requires that we do not deviate for any reason, even when the topic is difficult. Honesty is not a value of blame; it is the value of reconciliation. Our moral obligation to it delivers more in satisfaction by honoring truth.
The fact is that the world updated with immediate impact on the internet, where opinions and interactions have been ratified as truth by the second on the social networks. The workforce has become hypersensitive to the expectations set in communications through these social environments and we often find those looking for the opportunity to promulgate their newfound knowledge. The cynical look for the moment where we as leaders have deceived them in our behavior. They are sensitive to what and the way it is said, as they validate their concern with the examples of similar deceit from past experiences and examples displayed prominently on the internet. We not only have to navigate our own path of delivering on our intent, but we must dispel the ideology that we are represented in their previous experiences. This can only be accomplished by developing trust, which is derivative of an honest working environment.
Dishonesty and misinformation are the seed of attrition in business.